Welcome!

Thanks for joining me.  My name is Jamie Quarto and I am the author of Doing It Jamie Style.  DIJS is a lifestyle blog written by me personally.  I am as eclectic as there are stars in the universe so you’ll never know what I’ll write about next.  I am all about living life to the beat of my own drum and encourage others not to be afraid to do so.

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You can also get to know me better HERE.

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The Black Hole: Defeat Is Not Permanent

dijs banner defeat2

At this point and time in my life, there are no words said better than those spoken by the late and great American poet, singer, memoirist, and female civil rights activist, Maya Angelou.  Which goes as follows:

  • “Life is full of many defeats and it is useful to remember that defeat is not permanent.  We can always keep trying.  To be defeated means that you have given up and have let bitterness rule your heart.  Do not let your defeats crush you.  Instead, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again.”

dust-yourself

In 52 years I have endured a plethora of defeats.  Often at times falling into the jaws of what I call the black hole of dark defeatism that literally took me to the brink of death a time or two.  Everyone has a story, everyone has met defeat plenty of times and there will be many more to come.

I recognize the terms such as those often voiced to someone who is in “defeat mode” as they are reaching out for understanding, to be a defeat in its own entirety.   Words like….

  • Get over it
  • Everyone has problems
  • Buck up
  • Deal with it
  • Move on
  • I’ve been through that, I got over it…….. and so on and so forth

Watch What You Say Pic

If you are reading this and have said these things to another look at it from a different point of perspective.  What if this was you in the exact moment defeat hit you?  How would it feel to have it said to you, and, you probably have.

A Person Facing Defeat Needs:

  • Understanding
  • Validation
  • Affirmation
  • Time To Heal or Deal
  • Someone To Check In A Couple Times A Week (having just one person like this can save a life)

Someone who has entered what I call the “black hole phase” often has gone beyond the superficial defeat and “brushing it off”.  They can fall into a depressive state that can progress.  If it takes longer than a couple of weeks and you are still feeling this way it may be time to talk it out with an impartial person.

no perm

Defeat is not permanent.  It will feel like it, it will hurt, it will make you angry and frustrated, these are the emotions you need to FEEL so you can beat it.  Never say never, and never give up.

 Until Next Time

ᒍᗩᗰIE [̲̅d̲̅][̲̅o̲̅][̲̅i̲̅][̲̅n̲̅][̲̅g̲̅] [̲̅i̲̅][̲̅t̲̅] [̲̅j̲̅][̲̅a̲̅][̲̅m̲̅][̲̅i̲̅][̲̅e̲̅] [̲̅s̲̅][̲̅t̲̅][̲̅y̲̅][̲̅l̲̅][̲̅e̲̅]

Leave me a comment on ways you cope with a defeat.  What helps you?